That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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