Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
