hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
