Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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