U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
