dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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