it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
