When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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