so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
