i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
