I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
