new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
