I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Randomize
