Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
