I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
How does it feel to date your dad?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
