If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
