Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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