Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
