Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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