dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
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