then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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