that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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