All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize