I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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