As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
