Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
