you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
