remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
