I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
