hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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