I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
