i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
