Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
