I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
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i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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