that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
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I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
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Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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