well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
