My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Randomize
