JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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