ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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