1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I have demons in me.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
