Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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