one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
operation have a gay friend backfired
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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