why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
