corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
