I wish I could teleport
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
