I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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