I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
