Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Randomize
