why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
