omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I enjoy the company of your penis
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
