I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
