Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
