someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
too bad you live with your parents still
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
