My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
