put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
