Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
two words...techno handjob
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
