dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
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I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
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You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
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