I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Send help, water and tortillas.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
