On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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