I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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