Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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