its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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