i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
