i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
