my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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