as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
