I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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