she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
