it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
