I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
