dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
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by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
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I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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