drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
