Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
