I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize