i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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