I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
